My Gaga (my grandmother and yes I still call her that) passed away on the 3rd. She had cancer and complications from the radiation and kemo treatments had me rushing home to Ohio from Nebraska. I haven't really had it sink in yet. I haven't really been talking all that much; I just don't feel up to having conversations. She was the one that I talked to. This is a woman who took me in when I was barely a teenager and raised me and help me cope with all of my anger, loneliness, and sadness. She never gave up on me even when everyone else did. I loved her so much and it just doesn't feel right. I keep expecting to see her when I walk into a room and it's almost surreal when she's not there. It's almost like it's some huge cruel joke. I wish it were. I'd give anything to have it be just that. She was the most understanding, forgiving, kind-hearted, funny, and loving person I have ever met and now I'm just supposed to accept that overnight she's gone. I just came home for Christmas and she did look a bit more tired than I was used to and I know that she had cancer but in all reality she should have been around for years yet and now she's just...gone... I stopped crying outwardly but I can't keep from sobbing inwardly. I don't know how to deal with this. I don't know how to live without her. My heart feels like it's shattered and will never be whole again but I can't say that to anyone. The only person that I could have said it to is gone. Me, my younger sister, and my oldest niece have been with her forever... I know I did some really stupid things when I was younger and I know I hurt her when I took off out west but she's still always been there for me and if she had asked me to I would have come home. She's...we were always...there's just no one in all the world that's like her. She was my entire world. She was my safety. She was Home to me. I don't know but I hope that somehow she knew. I respect and love her more than anyone in the universe. I miss her so much. I wish I had moved back home. I just thought that I'd have more time...